


That Song We Used to Make Love To

by SmokeMonsterSyd



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 22:47:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19877326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmokeMonsterSyd/pseuds/SmokeMonsterSyd
Summary: This is inspired by two songs.That Song We Used to Make Love To by Carrie Underwood & I Wanna Be With You by Mandy Moore.Jane and Maura have grown apart since their trip to Paris, though neither of them know exactly why. Oneshot.





	That Song We Used to Make Love To

They never talk about it. What happened that night in Paris. Or rather...what happened multiple nights in Paris. And now Jane thinks that here and now, in a room full of her family, and Maura's family, is a completely inappropriate time to want to fuck her best friend again. 

Why the fuck is that song playing on the stereo?

Everyone around them is laughing and drinking, slapping down their uno cards on the table and yelling at the person next to them. Everyone, except for Maura, that is, who looks mortified from the other side of the table. Because it's her house, it's her stereo, and it's her phone playing the music. 

It's playing softly, a seemingly innocent song but with sexual undertones if you listen close enough to the lyrics. It's a song that Jane has always had a weird sexual nostalgia for, like missing an intimate relationship that she never really had. It makes her feel things, a painful longing in her chest to be close to someone, but after Paris, she had deleted it out of her music library. After Paris, the painful longing took on a whole new meaning that wasn't there before. It became real.

_"Are you pranking me?"_

_"No! I'm dead serious. You told me to be serious, so I'm being serious."_

_Maura squints at her over their bottle of fancy, Parisian wine. They had just picked it up this morning, an almost daily tradition, to sip from together on the couch._

_"You're telling me that, of all the songs, you would have sex to 'I Wanna Be With You' by Mandy Moore?"_

_Jane laughs a little uncomfortably. "What? What's wrong with that song?"_

_"Nothing," Maura says, shaking her head it awe, "I just...that wasn't what I was expecting you to say."_

_"Well, what did you think I was gonna say?"_

_"I don't know," Maura chuckles, "maybe a Bon Jovi song, or something."_

_Jane smirks. "Is that what turns you on, Maura? Bon Jovi?"_

_Maura scoffs as Jane takes the bottle from her hand. "You know very well that I don't regularly listen to Bon Jovi. I would probably choose something like 'Natural Woman'."_

_"Mmm, ew," Jane says, swallowing hard, "then why would you choose that song for karaoke??"_

_"It was the only song I knew!"_

_"Maura, you can't just play your secret sex song in public."_

_"Why not? I don't have a problem with being turn on in--"_

_"Okay, okay, I get it. Don't finish that sentence."_

_"Is that why you've never played your secret sex song?" Maura asks, smirking. "You can't handle being soaking--"_

_"Whooaaa, okay, time for bed. You've had too much-- I'll be taking this, thank you," Jane exclaims, grabbing the bottle of wine and heading to the little kitchenette as Maura laughs behind her._

_It's not the conversation that Jane is afraid of. She's not afraid of sharing too much about her sex life, but when the object of your sexual frustration is the one asking about it, it's hard to admit your truth._

_Especially when that person is your best friend._

They haven't been as close since Paris, which is why Maura is across the table rather than next to her, and Jane can see all the conflicting emotions in Maura's eyes. Her cheeks have turned absolutely red, and Jane can just barely see hives forming on her neck. She's embarrassed too, but it at the same time she seems extremely sad. And maybe a little bit turned on. 

She looks down, avoiding Jane's eyes, and Jane wants nothing more than for her to look back again. Maybe convince her to meet her in the bedroom. Because, even though the song is making her sad, she can't help but remember why the song became too painful to listen to in the first place. 

_The song casually starts playing over the speakers the next night, and Jane can tell that Maura is trying a little too hard to remain nonchalant. She looks away from Jane and takes a sip out of the wine bottle._

_"Maura…" Jane says, pointing to the speaker, "what is this?"_

_Maura shrugs. "I like this song."_

_Jane sets the bottle down on the coffee table and folds her hands into her lap._

_"I have heard basically every song in your music library, you don't really listen to a lot of music."_

_"Well, maybe you just haven't heard me play this one," Maura says, and she has a grin on her face._

_Jane sighs. It's one thing if Maura is trying to seduce her, but it's a completely different thing if this is some practical joke. Ever since her kidnapping, ever since Jane had to face the idea of losing her best friend for good, she had been trying to come to terms with her feelings. She had been trying to get rid of them, get over them, squash them, all without pulling away from Maura. She was her best friend, one of her only friends, and she meant too much to Jane to even potentially risk losing her again. She had been trying so hard to continue to just be her friend. But this...this was too much._

_"I'm...I'm feeling kinda beat. I'm gonna head to bed," she says, standing up and avoiding Maura's gaze._

_Sensing the emotional shift in the room, Maura jumps to her feet and gently grabs Jane's wrist._

_"Jane, I'm sorry--"_

_"Don't be, I'm just tired."_

_"I didn't mean to upset you."_

_Jane shakes her head and lies. "You didn't."_

She watches Maura jump up from her seat and follows her path towards the kitchen with her eyes. She's moving quickly, stumbling a bit as the rest of their family continues yelling at each other.

And even though Jane is embarrassed, she still can't understand how Maura could be so beautiful. She has her blonde hair down, a pair of leggings and a big comfy sweater, and though she's not trying to be, Jane finds her unbearably sexy. 

As she watches Maura fumble her phone trying to unlock it and change the song, a pang of sadness and longing goes right through her chest. 

She wishes that Maura wouldn't change the song. She wishes Maura didn't look so beautiful breaking her heart. 

_Headphones in, lights off, hand down her underwear...Jane is in her own world when her door opens just a bit to let a crack of light in._

_She stops what she's doing and closes her eyes, hoping Maura will go away so she doesn't have to face the embarrassing fact that she had just been caught masturbating. She prays to God, promising that if he would get Maura to walk away right now, she would never masturbate to mental images of Maura Isles again. Obviously, she has no such luck._

_"Jane?"_

_She pretends to be asleep as a last ditch effort to get Maura to go back to her own bed, but it seems that God is no longer answering Jane's calls. Instead, Maura pads lightly into the room, closing the door behind her and shutting them back into darkness._

_With her eyes still closed, Jane feels the bed dip, and then an arm wraps around her waist and a chin rests on her shoulder. Jane feels her heart speed up, but tries to keep breathing normally._

_"I'm sorry," Maura whispers, and, to Jane's surprise, she presses a gentle kiss to Jane's cheek._

_She nuzzles Jane's shoulder with her nose, and Jane has to hold her breath for a moment. They have spent many nights sleeping in the same bed...but this feels so different some how, the tension ten times thicker than ever before._

_She feels gentle fingers against her ear, and then the earbud is being removed. She knows it's too much to hope that Maura won't listen, because why else would she remove it in the first place?_

_It only takes her a few seconds to reply._

_"Oh, Jane…" Maura says, sadly, "God, I wish...I hope you were thinking about me."_

_That is not what Jane was expecting to come out of her mouth. She wants so badly to open her eyes and just kiss her, but she knows that this whole situation is delicate. She could scare her off, in more ways than one, if she were to reveal that she is awake right now. So, she doesn't._

_She turns her head slightly until she feels her lips connect with skin. She kisses that spot, revelling in the warmth of her and takes a deep breath, as if she was just resettling. She feels Maura shift closer, and her hand inches lower on her stomach, covering the strip of skin between her sleep shirt and her underwear._

_"You have no idea how beautiful you are," Maura says, drawing circles on her skin, "...how much I want to touch you… make love to you..."_

_She can feel the desire pooling in her underwear, as if her masturbation session was just foreplay. She's not sure how much longer she can keep this up._

_Maura stops her circling, and lays her hand back flat on her stomach, to Jane's disappointment._

_"I need to stop," she murmurs to herself._

_As Jane feels her hand withdrawal, she makes a decision without really thinking. She grabs Maura's wrist, and guides it back to her body, into her underwear where she wants her the most. She finally opens her eyes._

_Maura is looking up at her, deer in the headlights, frightened beyond belief at Jane's seemingly sudden reaction. For a minute they hold eye contact, going back and forth, asking each other if this is really what they want. And Jane is conflicted, but one thing stands out above the rest of it all._

_"Be with me tonight, Maura," Jane murmurs, just as the chorus to the song starts up again._

_Maura isn't sure what to say, her eyes so wide, and asks Jane with her eyes again if she's really sure about this._

_Jane just licks her lips. "Touch me… please."_

Across the room, Maura has finally noticed that she's still watching. They connect, and Jane can see that there are tears in her eyes and she wants more than anything to kiss them away. But instead she stays where she's sitting, and the song changes, and Jane gets the overwhelming urge to leave. 

_It becomes a game between them. The song appears multiple times throughout a playlist, like Russian roulette, but for intimacy. Whenever the song plays on her phone, Maura presses the repeat button, so that it continues to play through their laughs, their kisses, and their lovemaking. When they are finished, they stop, the playlist starts again, and they wait with baited breath for it to return._

_Jane sings the words softly as Maura straddles her the second night, the second time the song comes on, and the smile on Maura's face is the most beautiful smile Jane has ever seen._

_"_ I wanna be with you, if only for tonight-- _"_

_"Jane…" Maura grins._

_"_ To be the one who's in your arms to hold you tight _," Jane sings dramatically, raising her fist._

_"Stop it," Maura laughs._

_"_ I wanna be with you, there's nothing more to say _\--"_

_"Shhh!"_

_"_ There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way _\--why are you shushing me, I thought you liked this song?!"_

_"I like it better when you're not singing it."_

_"That's just rude," Jane says, and glares playfully._

_"Plus, the second verse is kind of sad," Maura says, "like maybe the love is unrequited."_

_"Maura," Jane sighs, "it's too early for philosophy."_

_"It's 10 pm!"_

_She thinks that no song could be as fitting for the two of them as this song. Especially the second verse. Despite the light hearted conversation, they never talk about what their relationship has become, what it means for each of them, and what it means for their future._

She excuses herself from the game table as the next song starts playing, practically running to the bathroom and locking herself inside. She sits down on the side of the tub and holds her head in her hands as uncontrollable sobs shake her body. 

How did they get so distant? And how can one song make her so happy and so sad at the same time? Its just a stupid song, she tries to tell herself, but she knows she's just lying to herself. That song was them, still would be them if Jane hadn't taken that stupid job with the FBI. How did they get from spending every single day together to sitting at opposite ends of different sides of the table?

She's trying so hard not to make noise, that she almost doesn't hear the soft knock on the door. 

"Jane?"

She sighs. It's Maura. 

"I'll be out in a minute," she calls. 

Maura pauses just a few beats. "Please let me in, Jane."

"I'm going to the bathroom, Maura."

"Okay. You're forcing my hand."

Jane squints. "Maura, what--"

Very loudly, and off key, Maura starts to sing and suddenly Jane understands. 

" _I try but I can't get myself to think of...anything, but you_."

She rolls her eyes. There is no way she's giving in, and there is no way that Maura is going to continue to embarrass herself by singing the song. At least, that's what Jane thinks. 

" _Your breath on my face, your warm, gentle kiss I taste...the truth. I taste the truth_."

"Go away, Maura--"

" _We know what I came here for, so I won't ask for more._.."

Mortified, Jane leaps up from her spot as Maura takes her breath, and flings the door open just as she starts the chorus.

" _I wanna--_ "

She grabs Maura by the arm, pulls her into the bathroom, and slams the door shut.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Maura looks down at the floor. "I didn't know how else to get you to open the door."

"You can't just go around singing our secret sex song, or playing it over the speakers at a family gathering."

"I didn't do it on purpose, Jane," she shrugs and now Jane can see that her lip is quivering, "I...I can't bare to remove it from the playlist."

Jane is basically speeches as tears start to fall down Maura's cheeks. She's mad, and sad, and lonely, and turned on, and it's all just too much. Her tears come back again as well. 

"I miss you, Jane. It...it reminds me of you...reminds me of when I used to have you...I can't," and then Maura is sobbing, and Jane's heart hurts. 

"I...I didn't know… you never said--"

"What?" Maura chokes out, "you thought all those times...I was just...using you?"

"No, i--"

"I love you, Jane. And you still left even when I loved you over and over again, so I figured all you wanted was a friend."

Jane shakes her head. "No, baby, I...I didn't want to lose you. I was so worried about our relationship not working out and you leaving that I just…"

"Pushed me away?"

Jane nods. "Yeah."

Maura's face scrunches up, like she's trying not to cry, and she sniffs before launching herself into Jane's arms. She holds onto her so tightly, kissing her blonde head and shushing her gently despite the tears running down her own cheeks. She was so stupid to ever think that pushing Maura away was better than being with her. 

She leans back a little and presses kisses to her forehead, her cheeks, and finally, a chaste kiss to her lips. The surprised look on Maura's face is so cute that Jane finds herself smiling. 

Maura sniffs a little. "What?"

"You're...so beautiful."

Maura scoffs and presses her forehead into Jane's chest. 

"Jane, I missed you so much," she says, wrapping her arms around Jane's neck. 

In response, Jane leans down, presses a kiss to her ear, murmuring that it's okay, she's there. And then she starts singing softly, directly into her ear. 

" _So I'll hold you tonight like I would if you were mine...before, forever more…_ "

She can almost hear Maura rolling her eyes to match the sigh. "Jane…"

"What? It's okay for you to sing it in front of friends and family, but it's not okay for me to sing it at all?" Jane grins. 

"No, I just…" she sighs again, frustrated this time, "we have people over…"

"So?" Jane says, lifting her up and sitting her on the counter, "I can be quick."

They stare at each other for a second, Maura defiant and Jane smirking. They have a stand off for who knows how long, before Maura sags a little in defeat and leans forward with a soft smile. Jane meets her halfway, lips pushing against each other like waves, teeth clashing because they can't stop smiling. 

As Jane snakes a hand up Maura's thigh and under her skirt, all Jane can think about is the next line to the song. Something about savoring every touch…

And as Maura comes down from her high, she pants softly in Jane's ear, repeating her love over and over again and sighing. 

"I wanna be with you forever."

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this came from, but I hope you enjoyed! Thank you for reading.


End file.
